I longed to swim to Russia, let the St. Lawrence
carry me away from childhood summer
minnows feeding in the sway of reeds
along the shore where I swam
within the gentle precincts
of our river raft. Only that far.
I knew my river joined whales
and in the afternoon, dolphins, dark current
opening its mouth to estuary
swallowing high waves, salted, struggling
east to meet the River Don
while I stayed home.
Our Jewish neighbour, the man
who wept all summer in his cottage,
warned me not to swim to Russia
to the River Don. He said, swim here
journey here with your river
and when I asked Mama
she shrugged, pinned sheets
on the clothesline for the wind.
My hair grew too long for the swim
to Russia, and I drew red lipstick on my mouth
to work in the city. I watched the river
my childhood friend, run blue
in the distance, its flow framed
and I looked for it from the bus
in the morning
my face on early windows.
The sky kept course, azure to the east
Beneath it, the river held its currents
traveled without me from then on
except in dreams, where water
laps, flooding the edges of memory—
Belovèd river, belovèd of the man
who wept inside his cottage—the river
where my childhood made its journey
summer after summer, shore to raft
and back again, the other side of war.
Blow to her throat
ended the good life she dreamed
of living, her funeral cortège
swaying uphill to the chapel
and just before Easter
what a shame—
she should have fought back
instead of hitting the mirror
with her fist.
you did it to yourself
that bruised eye
you should have
bloodied his face instead
you can be brave
if you want, you’ve got it in you
but she didn’t listen
they don’t do they, running off to the shelter
then back again, all forgiven
‘til next time
believe me, even if she’d lived
she wouldn’t have stood up to him
sweet girl, no cheeks left
to turn, like it says
the pearl of great price
nice he found that white dress
to bury her in
before they took him away
she loved silk.
My sheep wandered, yea, my flock was
scattered upon the face of the earth….
-Ezekiel 34: 6
I ran away young,
canal at the end of the street,
floated past locks to the river
in a leaky ship.
Cold sea voyage, journeyed stowaway
with sick, plagued hiders
Found red-headed relatives
brother swallowed by drink
sister by waves in a foreign city
drowned. In empty ports
my dark decades rolled
kelp-whipped days frayed to thread
grey names, faces thin.
I remembered childhood
longed for lost light
traveled back steerage
seaweed slow against the surge.
Survived the crossing
of a bird of paradise
eyes glowing gold
down the wall
years of light
leading me home.